“Allowance”

I have been having some strange moments with my kids and money. I was telling my daughter how selfish she was just yesterday. Parents use money to make the guilt more effective. I sounded off the normal list of things that I provide for her. I also reminded her how much time is invested in taking her here and there, in watching this or that, or listening to this or that.

Daughter: “You can’t just think you can bribe people with the material things of this world.”

Me:

Today my son asked me questions that a parent doesn’t expect to hear. Do your kids ever do that?

Son: “Dad, can I pick up dog poop?”

Me: “Ummm, yeah. You don’t even have to ask. You pick that shit up whenever you want.”

Five minutes later–

Son: “Dad, can I clean the kitchen?”

Me: “I don’t ever go there. Feel free.”

Five minutes later–

Son: “Dad, are you taking a shower soon?”

Me: “no, why?”

Son: “You’ll see.”

He then comes to me and starts rubbing my feet with special lotion. It takes me this long to determine that all is not right in the world. Interestingly, I told him the day before that it would be a waste of time to apply lotion to my feet, as I was about to take a shower.

Me: “Am I supposed to pay you for all of this?”

Son: “Oh, don’t worry about it dad.”

Me: “I don’t understand. Why are you doing all of this?”

Son: “Well, you usually leave money laying around the house. When I do chores, I pay myself out of that money.”

The world makes sense again.

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